JOKE OF THE DAY 19 Jun 2009

 Kids and Cliches

 

If you can't stand the heat... go swimming. Never put off
'til tomorrow what you... should have done yesterday. A penny saved
is... nothing in the real world. We have nothing to fear but... our
principal. To err is human.... to eat a muskrat is not. I think,
therefore... I get a headache.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and... someone yells,
"Shut up!" Better to light a candle than... to light an explosive.
It's always darkest... before 9:30 p.m. Early to bed and early to
rise... is first in the bathroom. A journey of a thousand miles
begins... with a blister. There is nothing new under the... bed.
The grass is always greener... when you put manure on it. Don't count
your chickens... it takes too dang long.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
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JOKE OF THE DAY 18 Jun 2009

Electrons
Professor Stein was lecturing his physics class: "If molecules can be
split into atoms and the atoms split into electrons, can the electrons
be broken down any further?" A pupil replied: "I'm not certain, but
a sure way to find out would be to mail some of them in a Christmas
package marked `fragile'
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
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question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 17 Jun 2009

New from CBS
Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show? It will take
place in Paramus, New Jersey... Six men will be dropped off at the
Paramus Park Mall's parking lot, and each will be given 1 minivan and 4
kids. Each kid plays two sports, takes music or dance and is active in
scouts. The competition will last 6 weeks. There will be no access
to fast food! Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his
assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects,
cook, do laundry, and take care of a hyperactive dog. The men will
only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores
are done; there will be only one TV and no remotes. The men must
shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves
either while driving or while making four lunches. Contestants must
attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after sick children at 3:00 a.m;
make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla, glue stick and
one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas! The kids
will gather in a tree fort to vote the men off the show based on
performance. The winner gets to go back to his job.
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
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wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
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JOKE OF THE DAY 16 Jun 2009

You Might Be Anal-Retentive If... .

 

 

.. you alphabetize your spices.
... you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper.
... you organize your closet by color, season, and fabric. ... you
have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order
by size. ... you're on a "calorie-counting" diet and you count the
calories in the hot sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme" ... you
have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and use and
they're all facing the front. ... all your books, CDs, and movies have
to be alphabetical order. ... you require no less than 230 threads per
inch on your sheets. ... you eat the M&Ms in color order. ... you
collect the little postcards in magazine issues... for recycling. ...
you spell-check and grammar-check every e-mail that you send
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 15 Jun 2009

Occupational Hazards

 

 

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die,
they just lose their balance. OLD ACTORS never die, they just exit
stage left. OLD ACTUARIES never die, they just get broken down by age
and sex. OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver. OLD
ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures. OLD
BALLOONISTS never die, they just get higher and higher. OLD BANKERS
never die, they just lose interest. OLD BASEBALLS never die, they
just get pitched. OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on
dribbling. OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off. OLD
BLONDES never fade, they just dye away. OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die,
they just lose their figures. OLD BOTANISTS never die, they just
wither away. OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter.

OLD CARDIAC SURGEONS never
die, they just get bypassed. OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check
out. OLD CASHIERS never die, they just get distilled. OLD
CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive. OLD CHICKENS never
die, they just get fried. OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just
kick the bucket. OLD CLOTHIERS never die, they just lose their
shirts. OLD COMPUTER USERS never die, they just lose their memory.
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged.

OLD COWS never die,
they just kick the bucket. OLD DAIRYMEN never die, they just get
butter and butter. OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get
discouraged. OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties.

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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
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Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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