JOKE OF THE DAY 4 Dec 2009

12 Great Tips to Being Handy Around the House

~ If you can't find a
screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved
screwdriver. ~ Despite what you may have been told by your mother,
praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you
are working alone. ~ Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... keeps
you close to the refrigerator. ~ If at first you don't succeed,
redefine success. ~ Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace
the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on"
position; or just paint over it. ~ Always take credit for miracles.
If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly
starts working, you have healed it. ~ If it's electronic, just get a
new one. ~ Fix the shower while showering!
~Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes
DOES help. ~ Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. ~
If something looks level, it is level. ~ Above all, if what you've
done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
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JOKE OF THE DAY 3 Dec 2009

Tax Time

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who
had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed:
"Mr. Hadoff, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and
work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and
we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness,"
returned Mr. Hadoff, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear. "I
thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
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Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 Dec 2009

If College Students Wrote The Bible ...

~ The Last Supper would have been
eaten the next morning -- cold. ~ The Ten Commandments would be only
five -- double-spaced and written in a large font. ~ Reason Cain
killed Abel: they were roommates! ~ Forbidden fruit would have been
eaten because it wasn't approved by the Food Services manager at the
cafeteria. ~ Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to
abuse ~ A new edition would be
published every two years in order to limit resales of used copies at
the college bookstore. ~ Reason why Moses and followers walked in the
desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like
freshmen. ~ Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting
on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was
due and then "pulled an all nighter."

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 1 Dec 2009

Baffling Bible
Interpretation Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of
their favorite bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture which
showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was
meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see... And
that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Miss Terri said. "But who's
the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius -- the Pilot!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
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be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
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JOKE OF THE DAY 30 Nov 2009

The Lice Incident

My first-grade daughter
brought home our first "lice" note yesterday. I immediately got the
willies and grabbed her by the hand to shave her head. My wife stopped
me, informing me that she didn't have lice, but that we were supposed to
be on the lookout for it. I put on latex gloves, a surgical mask, my
raincoat, grabbed a magnifying glass and started going through her long,
beautiful hair. "What are you doing?" my wife asked when she walked
into the garage. "Looking for rice, Mama!" my daughter piped happily.
"Jasper, I already looked for lice on her head. Take off all that stuff
and come in the house!" "Mommy, I told Daddy you looked already, but
he wanted to look anyways. He said -- 'We had to be really, really
careful because we don't want those little bastards in the house!'"
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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