JOKE OF THE DAY 9 Apr 2009

Failed Fishing

 

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his
parents went shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her
along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I
didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not
scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that.
She ate all the bait."
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JOKE OF THE DAY 8 Apr 2009

A 'Loose' Guide On Exercising

 

~ If you are going to try
cross-country skiing, start with a small country. ~ I figure if God
meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our
body. ~ It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you
add one minute to your life. This enables you, at 95 years of age, to
spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $6,000 per month.
~ I have flabby thighs,
fortunately my stomach covers them. ~ I have to exercise early in the
morning before my brain figures out what I am doing. ~ My grandmother
started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now, and we
don't know where the heck she is. ~ The biggest advantage of
exercising every day is that you die healthier. ~ I joined a health
club last year, spent about $400. Have not lost a pound. Apparently, you
have to show up.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 7 Apr 2009

How To Recondition Your Body For a Toxic Diet

 

~ Eat as much as you
possibly can at one sitting. This conditions the muscles that support
the stomach to expand, accommodating an increased volume of food. ~
Slowly begin to reintroduce harmful foods. Suggestions are potato chips,
pizza with extra cheese, white bread, milk, coffee or coke, milk shakes
from edible oil products, fried chicken, french fries deep fried in beef
fat, eggs from chemically-raised chickens, steak with barbecue sauce and
a small portion of overcooked vegetables. Throw in a couple of chocolate
bars to insure an optimum toxin level. ~ Swallow food whole.
Use butter as a lubricant.
Deep fried foods will require less chewing. ~ Eat very few raw fruits
and vegetables. If you must eat vegetables, make sure the life has been
cooked out of them. The best fruits are canned and preserved in sugar
syrup. ~ Give your juice machine away. Drink bottled or canned juices
with vegetable oils. Canned vegetable juice is fine because all the
enzymes have been destroyed through pasteurization. ~ My stomach IS
flat! ~ Avoid fiber at all cost. If forced to eat whole wheat flour, pick the
bits of bran from the bread. This will allow the food to pass more
slowly through the intestines so the body may absorb optimal toxic
chemicals. ~ Do not exercise. Exercise oxygenates the cells and
triggers the lymphatic system that cleans the body. Try to remain in an
inactive horizontal position. ~ Snack regularly during the night so
as to curb the body's natural tendencies to detoxify during sleep.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 6 Apr 2009

Why Chemists Don't Write Cook Books! Recipe for Chocolate Chip
Cookies Ingredients: 532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) Instructions:
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat
transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two
and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with
a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five,
six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add
ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous
mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly,
with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the
reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an
exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer,
place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a
460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &
Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until
golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C
heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 6 Apr 2009

Why Chemists Don't Write Cook Books! Recipe for Chocolate Chip
Cookies Ingredients: 532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) Instructions:
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat
transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two
and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with
a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five,
six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add
ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous
mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly,
with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the
reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an
exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer,
place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a
460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &
Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until
golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C
heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
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