How to Buy Paint
BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE: Customer: Hi. How much is your
paint? Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for
$18. How many gallons would you like? Customer: Five gallons of
regular quality, please. Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE: Customer: Hi, how much is your
paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends. Customer: Depends on
what? Clerk: Actually, a lot of things. Customer: How about giving
me an average price? Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The
lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200
a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh,
there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. Customer: Well,
then, I'd like some of that $9 paint. Clerk: Well, first I need to ask
you a few questions. When do you intend to use it? Customer: I want to
paint tomorrow, on my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is
the $200 paint. Customer: What? When would I
have to paint in order to get the $9 version? Clerk: That would be in
three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before
Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding! Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around
here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint
available before I can sell it to you. Customer: What do you mean
check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that
stuff; I can see it right there. Clerk: Just because you can see it
doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only
a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way,
the price just went to $12. Customer: You mean the price went up while
we were talking! Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules
thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of
the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you
want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on
with your purchase. How many gallons do you want? Customer: I don't
know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to
make sure I have enough. Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you
buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties
and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: What? Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough
paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you
stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our
tariffs. Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all
the paint? I already paid you for it! Clerk: Sir, there's no point in
getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the
idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes
us all sorts of problems. Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something
terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday
night! Clerk: Yes, sir, it will. Customer: Well, that does it! I'm
going somewhere else to buy my paint. Clerk: That won't do you any
good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our
airline
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