JOKE OF THE DAY 24 Jul 2009

Warning...
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin:
"In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the
Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and
fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the
field. We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their
clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also
advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an
encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh
signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognise the difference
between black bear and grizzly bear droppings: Black Bear droppings
are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur... Grizzly
Bear droppings contain little bells and smell like pepper."
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
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JOKE OF THE DAY 23 Jul 2009

Some Handy Tips from Marsha Stewitz

 

~ Before attempting to remove
stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen
so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can
easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone. ~ High
blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. ~ Olympic athletes. Conceal
the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply
running a little slower and letting someone else win.

~Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your attic. ~ Create instant designer stubble by sucking a
magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings. ~ A sheet of
sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when
visiting the Sahara desert.

~ Convince neighbors that you have
invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white
laboratory coats and parking a MAC Truck outside your house for a few
days. Then ydim and flicker the lights in our house during the night and
replace the MAC Truck unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description.
Watch their faces in the morning! ~ X File fans: Create the effect of
being abducted be aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll
invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had
your memory mysteriously 'erased'. ~ Tape a chocolate bar
to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know
that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven
serviced. ~ Nissan Micra drivers: Attach a lighted sparkler to the
roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things
like bumper cars anyway, so it may as well look like one. ~ A mouse
trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from hitting
the snooze button, rolling over and going back to sleep.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
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JOKE OF THE DAY 22 Jul 2009

 The CPA

 

There once was an accounting firm where the
senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. She could
answer any question. She knew all the laterst tax laws; there wasn't a
better accountant anywhere! Every morning when she came to the office, she would unlock her desk
drawer, open it up and look inside for a moment, and then close and lock
it again. This puzzled all of her co-workers, because it was the only
eccentricity that this genius exhibited. For years no one dared to
breach etiquette and snoop through her desk, but her odd behavior became
something of a legend around the office. One day when the brilliant
woman was home sick, one junior accountant could control himself no
longer. Taking a letter opener he carefully pried open the desk lock.
Inside he found one sheet of paper, and written in large letters was:
"DEBITS ON THE LEFT...CREDITS ON THE RIGHT"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 21 Jul 2009

The Transamerica Pyramid Scheme A true story
out of San Francisco: A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag." While standing in line waiting to give his
note to the teller he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So
he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the bay, told him that she could
not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "Okay," and left the bank. The Wells Fargo teller then
called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was
waiting in line back at Bank of America.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 20 Jul 2009

Hair Treatment

 

Trying to control her dry hair, a woman treated her
scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might
leave an odor, she washed my hair several times. That night when she
went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like
olive oil?" "No," he said, sniffing her. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
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