Joke of The Day

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
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JOKE OF THE DAY 31 May 2007

MEMO FROM ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been
turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous
Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what
you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code
list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision
what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using
this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties
you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List

Code Description
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is
Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in
Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Timesheet
5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Yourself
5504 Sleeping
5555 Designing your own DVD at www.ClickOnYourLife
.com
5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5602 Complaining About Long Hours
5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 Complaining About Boss
5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell
Stolen Company Goods
6205 Hiding from Boss
6206 Gossip
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 Updating Resume
6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 Out of Office on Interview
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are
Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
6868 Feeling Bored
6969 Feeling Horny
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-
Toy on Phone
7777 Watching coworkers www.WebBaby.
com DVD in Windows Media Player
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail
8102 Laughing while reading e-mails from friends/colleagues!

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

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Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

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JOKE OF THE DAY 30 May 2007

Flying High?

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the
participants were given an awkward question to answer:

"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of
programmers had been responsible for the flight-control software how
many of you would disembark immediately?
"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless...

When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be
quite content to stay onboard. Because, with his team's software, he
said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let
alone take off.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

Conexant E-mail Firewall (Conexant.Com) made the following annotations---------------------------------------------------------------------********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************

"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 29 May 2007

What's Going On?

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the
boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the
public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience,
but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight
570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the
original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address
voice spoke again:

"Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

Conexant E-mail Firewall (Conexant.Com) made the following annotations---------------------------------------------------------------------********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************

"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 28 May 2007

The Friendly Skies?

Upon reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot
strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee, where
upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but
forgets the coffee. As this omission is pointed out to her, the
parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you
idiot".

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but
still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the
parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it
now or I'll kick you or in the rear!"

The very next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up
and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging
downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't
fly, you complain way too much!"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @