JOKE OF THE DAY 14 Apr 2009

The Cat's New Year's Resolutions (Ten of them)

 

 

~ I will not slurp
fish food from the surface of the aquarium. ~ My human will never let
me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that. ~ I must not
help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them
down the sink's drain. ~ I will not eat large numbers of assorted
bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm
getting plenty of roughage. ~ I will not puff my entire body to
twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a
horror movie. ~ I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub,
fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It
took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.) ~ I will not stand on
the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my
human has finished watching The X-Files. ~ I will not assume the
patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves

~ I will not use
the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks. ~ I will not
drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night,
deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs so that my human
can admire my "kill." ~ I will not perch on my human's chest in the
middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up. ~ We
will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the
Plains of the Serengeti" over any human's bed while they're trying to
sleep. ~ I must accept the fact that screaming at the can of food
will not make it open itself.

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