Joke of The Day

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
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JOKE OF THE DAY 17 May 2007

The Blind And The Dog

John was waiting to cross the street when a blind man approached with
his guide-dog. The traffic sign turned green and instead of helping its
master to cross, the dog raised its rear leg and peed on the shoes of
the blind man.

Observing that, the blind man reached into his pocket and offered the
dog a cookie.

John told the blind man in amazement, "If it is my dog I'd have kicked
its butt!". The blind man calmly replied, "I'm going to. But I need to
find its head first"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

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Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

Conexant E-mail Firewall (Conexant.Com) made the following annotations---------------------------------------------------------------------********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************

"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 16 May 2007

Forest Gump Goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are
closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up
fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into
Heaven."

Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking
forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore
hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you
is only three questions. Here is the first: What
days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Second, how many seconds
are there in a year?" "Third, what is God's first
name?"

Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day
and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to
think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forest says, "Well, the first one, -how many days of the week begin with
the letter 'T'?" "Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and
Tomorrow!" The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest! That's
not what I was thinking, but... you do have a point though, and I guess
I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer."

"How about the next one" says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forest. "But, I thunk and thunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve!" "Twelve!" "Forest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February
second, March second..." "Hold it," interrupts Saint
Peter. "I see where you're going with it." "And I guess I see your
point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind." "I'll
give you credit for that one too."

"Let's go on with the next and final question," says Saint Peter, "Can
you tell me God's first name?"

Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name." "Everbody probly
knows it." "It's Howard."

"Howard?" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"

Forest answers, "It's in the prayer."

"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "Which prayer?"

"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, Howard be thy
name..."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

Conexant E-mail Firewall (Conexant.Com) made the following annotations---------------------------------------------------------------------********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************

"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 15 May 2007

In Front of a Pop Machine

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks
over and hears her screaming at the machine...

"You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future,
either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!"
"I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the
fuss is about.

"What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that
reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @

Conexant E-mail Firewall (Conexant.Com) made the following annotations---------------------------------------------------------------------********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************

"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 14 May 2007

Business Rules to Live By

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done
and what you're going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month
than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn
fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the
boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is
supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really
good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
everything that goes wrong.

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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They
could be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX.
Statutory Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it,
subscribe at your own risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @