Thursday, April 30, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 1 May 2009

Uproarious Answering Machine Messages
 
~ Said in a soft FM-style
voice, "Next on Public Radio, we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak.
This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72." ~ "Finally get
an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press Record
button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not
working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......" ~ "My
house, the final frontier. These are the messages of my answering
machine. Its five-year mission: to seek out your name and your telephone
number. To boldly inform you to wait for the tone." ~ Hi, Douglas's
answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very
slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets
on my face here." ~
~ "Prepare for testing of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to
test: 5...4...3...2...1...." ~ "C'mon....you can do it....just a
little one. That's the way.... just a little beep, just a little one.
C'mon....good boy....here we go....like this -- beeeeep, just a little
one, beeeeeeeep, c'mon....You can do it!" ~ "This is not an answering
machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the
tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where
I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @   
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @   
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JOKE OF THE DAY 30 Apr 2009

Blended Magazines Here are some potential magazine mergers...
 
Hot Rod McCalls
A monthly magazine geared for wives and girlfriends of automobile
enthusiasts who want to dress in the latest fashions when going to the
Auto Show.
 
Reader's Digestive System Review
A periodical devoted to presenting condensations of new research and
reviews gleaned from internal medicine and gastroenterology journals.
Southern Living Field and Strems
A tastefully done periodical presenting a wide variety of tips for women
living in the southern US covering topics from quilting, to traditional
home decorating, to how to field dress the deer carcass your husband
brings home.
 
Car and Driver FORTUNE
Targeting the man who wants to be up on the stock market just as much as
he wants to be up on stock cars.
Omni Mechanics Illustrated
Offers schematics and blueprints for do-it-yourself-ers who are
interested in building their own trans-dimensional portals and one-man
interplanetary vehicles.
Scientific American Bazaar
For the stylish research associate who wants to have more than white lab
coats in her closet.
------------------------------------------------------------------
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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @   
   http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 29 Apr 2009

12-Step Program for Web Addicts
 
~ I will have a cup of coffee in the
morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to. ~ I will get
dressed before noon. ~ I will eat meals with a knife and fork and not
with one hand typing. ~ I will make an attempt to clean the house (and
plan dinner) before watching funny videos online! ~ I will sit down
and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family members
who manage to live life without a computer. ~ I will call someone on
the phone who I cannot contact via the Web. ~ I will read a book...if
I still remember how. ~ I will listen to those around me and stop telling them to turn the TV
down so I can hear the music on Pelize Stole My Car at Christmas time!
~ I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check my e-mail. ~ I
will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my
checkbook because I was too busy on the Web! ~ I will try to get out
of the house at least once a week for a reason other than grocery
shopping. ~ Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to
bed before 3:00AM (and that the Web will always be there tomorrow!)

------------------------------------------------------------------
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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @   
   http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/

Sunday, April 26, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 27 Apr 2009

Vintage Poem
Remember those days when we'd use a 56k modem to get online? Boy does
this joke bring back some bad memories! My High-Tech Prayer As I
boot up my PC,
my modem dialing next to me,
I ask the Lord, give me a sign....
Will I ever get on-line? If you'd kindly let me through,
I'll BYTE no more than I can chew.
I'll surf the WAVs  amid the Net,
with my MOUSE, a loyal pet. And through each window I will see
the websites that are offered me.
Resisting any chatroom's lure,
I'll download only what is pure. If system errors don't prevail,
I vow to read all my e-mail.
If you save me from a crash,
I'll dump my games into the trash. And please don't take my CD-ROM
Thank you Lord,

------------------------------------------------------------------
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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @   
   http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/