Wednesday, March 25, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 26 Mar 2009

About Real Teachers
 
~ Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.
~ Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge. ~
Real teachers are glad when April 1st does not fall on a school day.
~ Real teachers know that secretaries and custodians really run the
school. ~ Real teachers know what Victoria's Secret really is.
 
~ Real teachers have never heard an original excuse. ~ Real teachers grade
papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the
bathroom, and have even been seen grading in church. ~ Real teachers
drive GM cars owned by credit unions.
~ Real teachers can't
walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line. ~ Real
teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
~ Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on blackboards
without turning around. ~ Real teachers wear glasses from trying to
read the fine print in the teacher's manuals. ~ Real teachers can
teach anatomy to high school students and not hear the giggles.
~ Real teachers can "sense" chewing gum. ~ Real
teachers can predict exactly which parents show up at open house. ~
Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in under 60 seconds.
~ Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets
a Valentine. ~ Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and
"lay" to eighth graders. ~ Real teachers know it is better to seek
forgiveness than to ask for permission.
~ Real teachers know the shortest distance and length of travel time to
the front office. ~ Real teachers know the difference between what
ought to be graded, what should be graded, and what should never see the
light of day. ~ Real teachers have their best conferences in the
parking lot. ~ Real teachers know that the best end of semester
lesson plans come from Blockbuster and NetFlix
~ Real teachers know that rules do not apply to them. ~ Real teachers
do not take "no" for an answer unless it is written in a complete
sentence. ~ Real teachers know that dogs are carnivores and not
"homework papervores."
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
----
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be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 25 Mar 2009

Driving With Directionals (or How To Drive in Idaho)
 
 
~ Signal only when you feel like it. ~
If you feel you must use your directionals, make sure they blink only
once, then turn them off. ~ Signal only after you change lanes. ~
When driving straight, make sure that at least one directional is
blinking at all times. ~ Signal as you approach a curve in the road.
~ If you intend to make a right turn, use the left signal. ~ If you
intend to make a left turn, use the right signal.
~ When approaching an intersection, signal to turn and slow down. When
other drivers or pedestrians cross in front of you, turn off the signal
and go straight. ~ When you intend to make a turn, start signaling
approximately 6 to 8 blocks before your turn. Slow down for each block
as you approach them. ~ Always apply your brakes way before you
signal. ~ When making a left turn at a busy red light, wait for the
light to turn green before you turn on your signal. ~ Wait until after
you have started to turn or change lanes to use your signals. ~ If you
must use hand signals instead of your directionals, use your right hand
or have your passenger do it out the right side window.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY

Top Ten Traits You Don't Want in Your New Puppy
 
10) He dries himself
on your bed sheets after a bath. 9) He barks uproariously at
doorbells on TV, but doesn't make a sound when strangers come to the
sliding door on your back deck. 8) He not only wants to sleep in bed
with you but wants to share your pillow as well. 7) Or worse, he
wants your pillow all to himself. 6) He barks in the middle of the
night to let you know that he's thirsty and you've left the toilet seat
down. 5) He is more attracted to your fishing lures than any fish
ever were. 4) He loves to roll in the motor oil drip spot in your
garage and then go straight to bed -- your bed. 3) He confuses your
$10 a roll Christmas wrapping paper with his potty papers.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 23 Mar 2009

Signs Your Car Needs Cleaning ~ On the way to the fishin' hole, Andy
and Opie stop by your windshield for bait. ~ "Nixon for President"
bumper sticker no longer legible. ~ Neighborhood kids offer: "Mow your
Volvo, sir?" ~ Your pine tree air freshener is now a protected old
growth forest. ~ Satellite photos reveal crop circles on your roof!
~ When you blow the
horn, prairie dogs pop up from the hood. ~ "Wash Me" appears on your
trunk...chiseled with a jackhammer. ~ Greenpeace won't let you move
the car for fear of displacing some dung beetles that have taken up
residence. ~ Impossible to drive with the kids always clamoring to
have a look through the periscope. And the surest signe your car needs
cleaning... ~ Your "cell phone antenna" is actually a sapling which
has taken root.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
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