JOKE OF THE DAY 3 Apr 2009

Welcome to McDonald's

 

Ted just finished his training session at the
local McDonald's. So he was a little nervous being behind the register
for the first time. His first customer ordered a milkshake. "Ted," his
manager said, "remember to say, Welcome to McDonald's' to each customer
before they order." His second customer ordered a cheeseburger. This
time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, "Remember to ask each
customer if they want fries with their order." At this point a man
came in wearing a ski mask approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. The gunman
said, "Give me all the money you got in that register kid!" Ted took
one look at his manager, thought to himself, and quickly said to the
masked man, "Would you like that for here or to go?"
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
----
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be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 Apr 2009

If Wal-Mart Ran Christmas

 

~ All gifts would be made of the cheapest possible materials
available in China or maybe Malaysia by vast armies of workers making a
dollar a day. ~ Stockings are filled with cheap toys that break as
soon as the kids take them out and candy in odd colors flavored red,
green, and white - whatever those are. ~ Clothes are produced in just
one design and only 4 color choices. ~ Sizes and cut of the clothes
are strange - certainly not what the buying public is used to - and
don't fit any normal humans. ~ Defects are not weeded out before
shipment to the stores, so you never know if you have zippers with
pulls, buttons that have matching buttonholes, or linings that your arms
can fit through. ~ The stores only receive one shipment of these
seasonal items and they arrive 6 months ahead of the holiday. 
~ The number of ugly
and useless items is far greater than any possible good deals, but the
good deals are the only ones advertised. ~ You spend twelve hours
standing in line for one of the advertised computers only to have some
stocker toss them over your head and into the crowd at the designated
sale hour. The only customers to get these items are the ones who just
walked into the area. ~ When you try to return the gifts that don't
fit more than a day after Christmas and you don't have your receipt, the
price has been cut by 75%. ~ You can't exchange it for something that
does fit or that you will use because the store is already sold out and
will not be getting any more.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 Apr 2009

If Wal-Mart Ran Christmas

 

~ All gifts would be made of the cheapest possible materials
available in China or maybe Malaysia by vast armies of workers making a
dollar a day. ~ Stockings are filled with cheap toys that break as
soon as the kids take them out and candy in odd colors flavored red,
green, and white - whatever those are. ~ Clothes are produced in just
one design and only 4 color choices. ~ Sizes and cut of the clothes
are strange - certainly not what the buying public is used to - and
don't fit any normal humans. ~ Defects are not weeded out before
shipment to the stores, so you never know if you have zippers with
pulls, buttons that have matching buttonholes, or linings that your arms
can fit through. ~ The stores only receive one shipment of these
seasonal items and they arrive 6 months ahead of the holiday. 
~ The number of ugly
and useless items is far greater than any possible good deals, but the
good deals are the only ones advertised. ~ You spend twelve hours
standing in line for one of the advertised computers only to have some
stocker toss them over your head and into the crowd at the designated
sale hour. The only customers to get these items are the ones who just
walked into the area. ~ When you try to return the gifts that don't
fit more than a day after Christmas and you don't have your receipt, the
price has been cut by 75%. ~ You can't exchange it for something that
does fit or that you will use because the store is already sold out and
will not be getting any more.

------------------------------------------------------------------
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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 1 Apr 2009

One Wise Inmate

 

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to
death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison
guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he
wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want
anything special. When they asked if there was something special he
wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day. Finally
when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a
cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over
with." "Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?"
said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!" The inmate
thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would
really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through,
with no interruptions." The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 31 Mar 2009

Advice to Dumb Criminals
(based on what actual dumb criminals have done) ~ If you plan to
commit a crime and run from the police on foot... *Do* pick a more
subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants. ~ *Don't* invite a
uniformed police officer into your home to chat about a crime you
witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain view. ~ When you go
on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in your vehicle to
drive away from your crime scene. ~ "But I know the people who live
here" is *Not* a valid justification for burglarizing a neighbors house
when they are out of town. ~ If you are going
to steal a car *Do* pick one that will blend in traffic better than a
pearl white six door limo. ~ *Don't* answer a question with the
phrase, "Who me?" when you and the officer are the only people in a ten
mile radius. ~ *Don't* repeat the
question that the officer just asked. It's considered a stall technique
and it gives away the fact you are getting ready to lie through your
teeth. ~ *Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my
car?" before the officer even introduces himself/herself on the traffic
stop. ~ *Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police
about your name. ~ *Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age
you give when lying about your birthday. ~ When an officer is
demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that
sober!" on camera, and then plead not guilty. ~ When you attempt to
drop your dope on the ground when approached by an officer, *Don't*
bounce said dope off the toe of the officer's boot. ~ *Do* come up
with something better to say than, "These aren't my pants" when the
officer finds dope or any other contraband in your pocket. ~ If you
are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back yard *Do* make sure a
police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway. ~ If you plan to
steal someone's Thanksgiving turkey, make sure you do it after they've
followed Martha Stewart's 69-step preparation method!!! ~ *Don't* ask
an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately owned vehicle for a
ride away from your crime scene. ~ If you leave your pants, car, and
ID at a crime scene, the cops *Will* probably be able to figure out who
dunnit
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @   
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 30 Mar 2009

University Entrance Exam (for Division 1-A Football Players)

Time Limit: 3 weeks

 

1) Foreign Language: What Language is spoken in France?

2) History: Givea dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law, and social conditions -OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3) Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
a) build a bridge
b) sail the ocean
c) lead an army or
d) WRITE A PLAY

4) Religion: What religion is the Pope? (circle only one)
a) Jewish
b) CATHOLIC
c) Hindu
d) Atheist
5) Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?

6) Physics:
What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on
the 5? 

7) Religion: How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8) Geography: What are
people in America's far north called?
a) Westerners
b) Southerners
c) Northerners

d) One of the above.
9) American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton.

10) European History: Six kings of England have been called George, last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11) Who did you vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election?

12) Natural Science:
Where does rain come from?
a) Macy's
b) 7-11
c) Canada
d) THE SKY

13) Advanced Physics: Can you
explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
a) Yes
b) No

14) Philosophy: What are coat hangers used for?

15) Political Science: The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem of what
country?

16) Physics: Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic
Equilibrium -OR- Spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

17) Architecture: Where is the basement in a three-story building located?

18) Agricultural Science: Which part of America produces the most oranges?
a) New York
b) FLORIDA
c) Canada
d) Wisconsin 1

9) Communications: What does NBC (National Broadcasting
Corporation) stand for?

20) Advanced Math: If you have three apples
how many apples do you have?
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @   
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
    http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @   
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

Join the 18++ mailing list @
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