JOKE OF THE DAY 24 Apr 2009

God and Billboards

 

 

New billboards are getting our attention all over
the nation. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but a newspaper
listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks"
billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white
text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. Let's meet
at my house Sunday
before the game.
-God
Tell the kids I love them.
-God
C'mon over
and bring the kids.

-God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..."
didn't you understand?
-God
We need to talk.
-God
Keep using my name in vain,
I'll make rush hour longer.
-God
Loved the wedding,
invite me to the marriage.
-God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing...
I meant it.
-God
I love you and you
and you and you and...
-God
Will the road you're on
get you to my place?
-God
Follow me.
-God
Big bang theory,
you've got to be kidding.
-God
My way is the highway.
-God
Need directions?
-God
You think it's hot here?
-God
Have you read my #1 best seller?
There will be a test.
-God
Don't make me come down there.
-God
Do you have any idea
where you're going?
-God

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
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JOKE OF THE DAY 23 Apr 2009

A Genuinely Honest Resume

 

 

OBJECTIVE: To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor
for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a
superior.

EDUCATION: School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask

EMPLOYMENT: NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present)
Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties
included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned
after those messages. DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99)
Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to
combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight
to my father. RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99)
Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS: *Solitaire
*Minesweeper
*On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS: *First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament
*Said Toast at brother's wedding
*High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses,
please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law
school applicant.
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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
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be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
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JOKE OF THE DAY 22 Apr 2009

A Hellish Room

 

A self-centered, unbelieving man... ok a lawyer... died
and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity
here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the
devil said. In the first room were thousands of people standing on
their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show
me the second." In the second room were thousands of people standing
on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the
man said, "but show me the third." In the third, thousands of people
were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested
garbage, all drinking coffee. "I'll choose
this room," he said. Into the room he went and the door slammed behind
him. Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "O.K., coffee
break is over, back on your heads."
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they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++
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JOKE OF THE DAY 21 Apr 2009

Heavenly Combination

 

The temporary Sunday School teacher was
struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had
been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she
went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into
the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he
paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely
heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the
lock, quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The
teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on
the ceiling."
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they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
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JOKE OF THE DAY 20 Apr 2009

You've Overdosed on the World Wide Web When...

 

 

~ You see a beautiful sunset, and you
half-expect to see "Enhanced for Windows VISTA" on one of the clouds.
~ Your best friend's name is Svetlana; you've never met her in person.
~ Your opening line is: "So, are you on FaceBook?" ~ This is followed by:
"And what's your MySpace name?" ~ You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally
depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links to other
sites.  ~
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a
puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that
separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you
desperately look for the "Back" button. ~ You visit "The Really Big
Button That Doesn't Do Anything  again and again and again.
~ Your dog has his own webpage. ~ So does your hamster. ~ So does
your cat - with the count of hamster kills. ~ When you read a
magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on all underlined
words and phrases
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they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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