Wednesday, September 02, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 3 Sep 2009

Jewelry Heist

Morris the jeweler called the police station to report a
robbery: "You'll never believe what happened, Officer. A truck backed
up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my
plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up
all the jewelry and climbed back into the
truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away." The desk sergeant
said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an
Indian elephant or an African elephant?" "What's the difference?"
asked Morris. "Well," said the sergeant, "an African elephant has
great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears." "Come to think
of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking
over his head."
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Tuesday, September 01, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 2 Sep 2009

Warning Signs Your Cat is Too Fat

~ Has more chins than lives!
~ Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
~Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
~ Jessica Simpson has begun issuing press releases to defend your cat's
weight gain!
~ Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken
branches.
~ No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz or Cool Whip.
~ Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
~ It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter!
~ He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
~ Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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Monday, August 31, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 1 Sep 2009

Why Ask Why?
~ If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
~ Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
~ Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
~ Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?
~ Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
~ Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
~ How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?
~ Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
~ If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on
the doors?
~ Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?
~ If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the
pan?
~ If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?
~ If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you
turn on the headlights?
~ You know how most packages say, "Open here". What is the protocol if
the package says, "Open somewhere else".
~ Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
~ Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
~ Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
~ Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?
~ Why are they called jumbo shrimp?

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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Sunday, August 30, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 31 Aug 2009

Truth About Car Ads

MUST SELL ....before it blows up.
NEEDS SOME BODY WORK ....was blindsided by a Winnebego out on Highway 61.
LOOKS LIKE NEW ....just don't try to drive it anywhere.
ALL ORIGINAL ....I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
LOADED WITH OPTIONS ....each one more troublesome than the next.
NEVER SMOKED IN ....unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
PROJECT CAR ....doesn't run.
LOTS OF POTENTIAL ....doesn't run.
NEEDS MINOR REPAIR ...doesn't run.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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