JOKE OF THE DAY 31 Mar 2009

Advice to Dumb Criminals
(based on what actual dumb criminals have done) ~ If you plan to
commit a crime and run from the police on foot... *Do* pick a more
subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants. ~ *Don't* invite a
uniformed police officer into your home to chat about a crime you
witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain view. ~ When you go
on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in your vehicle to
drive away from your crime scene. ~ "But I know the people who live
here" is *Not* a valid justification for burglarizing a neighbors house
when they are out of town. ~ If you are going
to steal a car *Do* pick one that will blend in traffic better than a
pearl white six door limo. ~ *Don't* answer a question with the
phrase, "Who me?" when you and the officer are the only people in a ten
mile radius. ~ *Don't* repeat the
question that the officer just asked. It's considered a stall technique
and it gives away the fact you are getting ready to lie through your
teeth. ~ *Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my
car?" before the officer even introduces himself/herself on the traffic
stop. ~ *Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police
about your name. ~ *Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age
you give when lying about your birthday. ~ When an officer is
demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that
sober!" on camera, and then plead not guilty. ~ When you attempt to
drop your dope on the ground when approached by an officer, *Don't*
bounce said dope off the toe of the officer's boot. ~ *Do* come up
with something better to say than, "These aren't my pants" when the
officer finds dope or any other contraband in your pocket. ~ If you
are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back yard *Do* make sure a
police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway. ~ If you plan to
steal someone's Thanksgiving turkey, make sure you do it after they've
followed Martha Stewart's 69-step preparation method!!! ~ *Don't* ask
an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately owned vehicle for a
ride away from your crime scene. ~ If you leave your pants, car, and
ID at a crime scene, the cops *Will* probably be able to figure out who
dunnit
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