JOKE OF THE DAY 23 Jul 2009

Some Handy Tips from Marsha Stewitz

 

~ Before attempting to remove
stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen
so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can
easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone. ~ High
blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. ~ Olympic athletes. Conceal
the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply
running a little slower and letting someone else win.

~Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your attic. ~ Create instant designer stubble by sucking a
magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings. ~ A sheet of
sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when
visiting the Sahara desert.

~ Convince neighbors that you have
invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white
laboratory coats and parking a MAC Truck outside your house for a few
days. Then ydim and flicker the lights in our house during the night and
replace the MAC Truck unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description.
Watch their faces in the morning! ~ X File fans: Create the effect of
being abducted be aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll
invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had
your memory mysteriously 'erased'. ~ Tape a chocolate bar
to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know
that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven
serviced. ~ Nissan Micra drivers: Attach a lighted sparkler to the
roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things
like bumper cars anyway, so it may as well look like one. ~ A mouse
trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from hitting
the snooze button, rolling over and going back to sleep.
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