JOKE OF THE DAY 3 Nov 2009

He's So Darn Mean That...

... He sends get-well cards to
hypochondriacs. ... You couldn't warm up to him if you were cremated
together. ... He's deaf, and never told his barber. ... He'd steal
a dead fly from a blind spider. ... He'd cry over your wounds just so
he could get salt in them! ... He has as much use for anyone living
as an undertaker. ... He applied for a job as a prison warden so he
could put tacks on the electric chair. ... If you kicked him in
the heart, you'd break your toe. ... The only thing he'll share with
you willingly is a communicable disease. ... He folds his newspaper
so the guy next to him on the bus can only read half the headline.
... He'd throw a drowning man both ends of the rope.
... He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them
as canaries. ... He knifes you in the back, and then has you arrested
for carrying a concealed weapon. ... He campaigned for a dry county,
got it passed, and then moved to Vegas! ... He told his children the
Easter Bunny got run over by a Volkswagen Rabbit. ... He was
engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but he got mad and broke it off.
... He never hits a man when he's down -- he kicks him in the groin,
instead. ... He'd borrow your pot just to cook your goose! ...
Only gravediggers would enjoy working for him. ... He gave his wife
oysters and a rabbit's foot because she asked for pearls for her
birthday. ... He had three phones installed so that he could hang up
on more people.

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