Wednesday, September 30, 2009

JOKE OF THE DAY 1 Oct 2009

Metaphors Galore
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners: 1. Her
face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head,
making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him
like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian
beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like,
whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted
across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled
with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The
whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of
7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a
sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from
the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban
neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's
teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his
heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his
last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had
been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as
shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law
Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young
fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.

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