JOKE OF THE DAY 4 Jun 2009
An X-Files Christmas
24. December 1999 - 57 Elm Street, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania - 11:51P.M.
Scully, we're too late. It's already been here. Mulder, I hope you
know what you're doing. Look, Scully, just like the other homes:
Douglas fir truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked
with bows of holly; stocking hung by the chimney with care. You really
think someone's been here? Someone, or something. Mulder, over here,
It's fruitcake. Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal! There's
a note attached: "gonna find out who's naughty and nice." It's judging
them, Scully. It's making a list. Who? What are you talking about?
Scully, we're too late. It's already been here. Mulder, I hope you
know what you're doing. Look, Scully, just like the other homes:
Douglas fir truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked
with bows of holly; stocking hung by the chimney with care. You really
think someone's been here? Someone, or something. Mulder, over here,
It's fruitcake. Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal! There's
a note attached: "gonna find out who's naughty and nice." It's judging
them, Scully. It's making a list. Who? What are you talking about?
Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at
great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year just
after the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged
chunks of anthracite. But that's legend, Mulder, a story told by
parents to frighten children. Surely you don't believe it? Something
was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread
man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive and in a
hurry. It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder this milk glass has
been completely drained. It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without
remorse. But why would they leave it milk and cookies? Appeasement.
Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding. But if this
thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked.
There's no sign of forced entry. Unless I miss my guess, it came
through the fireplace. Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some
huge creature landed on the
roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six
inches wide, nothing could get through there. But what if it could
alter its shape, move in all directions at once? You mean, like a bowl
full of jelly? Exactly. ...Scully, I've never told anyone this but
when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long
white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshaped head. Its bloated
torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away
and, when I looked back, it had somehow taken on the facial features of
my father. Impossible. I know what I saw. And that night, it read my
mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a
Mr. Potato Head. I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard
the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being
who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and
boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions?
If this gets out they'll close the X-files. Scully, listen to me: It
knows when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake. But we have no
proof. Last year on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected a
bogey in the airspace over twenty seven states. The White House ordered
a condition red. But that was a meteor shower. Officially. Two days
ago eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in
Washington D.C. Nobody, not even the zoo keeper was told about it. The
government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They
fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending
half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will
collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives.
There's too much at stake.. They'll do what ever it takes to insure
another silent night. Mulder... Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear? On
the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter. The truth is up there. Lets's
see what's the matter.
------------------------------------------------------------------
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they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
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WORTH READING
-------------
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wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
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18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.
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great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year just
after the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged
chunks of anthracite. But that's legend, Mulder, a story told by
parents to frighten children. Surely you don't believe it? Something
was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread
man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive and in a
hurry. It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder this milk glass has
been completely drained. It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without
remorse. But why would they leave it milk and cookies? Appeasement.
Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding. But if this
thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked.
There's no sign of forced entry. Unless I miss my guess, it came
through the fireplace. Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some
huge creature landed on the
roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six
inches wide, nothing could get through there. But what if it could
alter its shape, move in all directions at once? You mean, like a bowl
full of jelly? Exactly. ...Scully, I've never told anyone this but
when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long
white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshaped head. Its bloated
torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away
and, when I looked back, it had somehow taken on the facial features of
my father. Impossible. I know what I saw. And that night, it read my
mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a
Mr. Potato Head. I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard
the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being
who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and
boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions?
If this gets out they'll close the X-files. Scully, listen to me: It
knows when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake. But we have no
proof. Last year on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected a
bogey in the airspace over twenty seven states. The White House ordered
a condition red. But that was a meteor shower. Officially. Two days
ago eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in
Washington D.C. Nobody, not even the zoo keeper was told about it. The
government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They
fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending
half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will
collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives.
There's too much at stake.. They'll do what ever it takes to insure
another silent night. Mulder... Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear? On
the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter. The truth is up there. Lets's
see what's the matter.
------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR JOKE OF THE DAY, IS JUST A BLOG AWAY @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/
SUBSCRIBE/UNSUBSCRIBE FOR THIS MAILING LIST @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But
they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from
the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great
leaders.
Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/
WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.
Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/
18++
----
Indulge your dirty mind with some outright hilarious adult jokes. They could
be expletive or subtle but they are definitely rated - XXX. Statutory
Warning - 18++ may be injurious if your mommy sees it, subscribe at your own
risk.
Join the 18++ mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/18PlusPlus
Or simply go Blogging @
http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/
posted by Chirag at 9:13 PM
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