JOKE OF THE DAY 17 Jul 2007

The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1...What are you thinking about?
2...Do you love me? 3...Do I look fat? 4...Do you think she is prettier
than me? 5...What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed
to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e.,
tells the truth).

As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with
possible Responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
answer,which most likely is one of the following: a...Baseball.
b...Football. c...How fat you are. d...How much prettier she is than
you. e...How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is
in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a...Oh Yeah,
crap loads. b...Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c...That
depends on what you mean by love. d...Does it matter? e...Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect
answers are: a...Compared to what? b...I wouldn't call you fat, but
you're not exactly thin. c...A little extra weight looks good on you.
d...I've seen fatter. e...Could you repeat the question? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:

a...Yes, but you have a better personality. b...Not prettier, but
definitely thinner. c...Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d...Define pretty. e...Could you repeat the question? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a
Corvette and a Boat"). WARNING: No matter how you answer this, be
prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the
these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why
not-don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why
wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You
would? (with a hurtful look on her face) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her
in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my
pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem
like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf
clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed WOMAN: - - - silence -
- - MAN: Oh ( expletive deleted).

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